How to Talk to People About Jesus

I’ve been in the Christian ministry since I got out of high school and I have been trained in how to talk to people about Jesus, and today, I realize that all of these efforts in all their various styles were not correct. I will tell you how I talk to people about Jesus today. Maybe it will work for you, too.

What’s wrong with the old ways?

The common thread that runs through all the previous methods that I was taught about how to talk to people about Jesus, is that the methods were approached from what I call “spiritual arrogance,” which is referred to in Christian mental health issues as spiritual narcissism.

Spiritual Narcissism

Spiritual narcissism is an arrogant state of mind that assumes that the person who is delivering the message is superior to every person that you are communicating with. The status of an inflated ego will make the delivery of any message more difficult to receive by anyone who would have an open heart even if they would benefit greatly from the message you are trying to deliver.

Spiritual arrogance or narcissism is offensive and will put any listener on the defensive. Here are the things that will cause someone’s heart to close down, making the delivery of your message fall on deaf ears:

    • Bragging about your spiritual or religious endeavors.
    • Using your faith or spirituality to manipulate others in order to improve your religious status.
    • Communicating with a condescending attitude, passive-aggressiveness, and/or defensiveness.
    • Pointing out flaws and errors in personal or religious areas of life.
    • Telling someone that they are wrong, and they must do what you (or the Bible says) or else.
    • Asserting that you and your view of God are right, therefore everyone else is misled.
    • The assertion that this or that is black-and-white.
    • Overburdening a non-believer by quoting 2,000-year-old text (the Bible).
    • Avoiding personal responsibility, “It’s not me, it’s God.”

I’m sure you could think of other things to add to the list, but you get the idea. As much as you are trying to relate to this person, you cannot do it, if you’ve caused them to disconnect due to your delivery method. Check the body language, they stiffen, lean back, reduce eye contact, and after the eye roll, you’re done. You have lost before you even got started. To keep going, after the receiver has already shut you out, is equivalent to narcissistic abuse.

Debate and Intimidation

I know, back in the day, bullying people and overwhelming them with data, scripture, and the threat of burning in hell could result in a conversion to your idea or belief and truth. Today, debating and over-powering someone is not effective. You cannot intimidate someone to give their life to God.

Just stop it.

How to Talk to People About Jesus

This is so simple, but if you are used to outdated methods of manipulating or persuading someone to convert to your idea of what God is all about, you may have bad habits that you will need to break before you can effectually communicate with another human being heart-to-heart.


Heart-to-heart communication is the only way to truly reach out and connect to another person.

To do so, you must,

    • Let go of any expectation of an instantaneous conversion.
    • Love them with the level of love that Jesus would have.
    • Make it about the person you are talking to. Don’t make it about you.
    • Seek to listen to them, then understand where they are coming from.
    • Use scripture sparingly and paraphrase it in your own words, this increases relevancy.
    • Use your religious experience and words sparingly.
    • Let your life be your testimony. Let them ask you why you are different.

Avoid doing these things at all costs. Do not:

    • Judge them or try to hold them responsible for believing differently than you.
    • Be critical about their current lifestyle.
    • Offer them your perspective or advice unless they ask for it.
    • Overwhelm them with TMI “too much information.”

That is a lot of ground to cover in this brief presentation, and it can be extremely hard to change the way you approach others about something that you are so passionate about.

Let it be known that it is not working the way that you’re doing it now, and you’re probably doing more harm than good.

I often see people and try to support them to recover from what they call, “spiritual abuse.” Don’t be one of the perpetrators of spiritual abuse, or risk being labeled a spiritual narcissist. Don’t let this happen to you.

How I Do It

I guess I just live my life and love everyone like I think Jesus would. I am a big fan of Jesus and I think he just loved everyone. It didn’t matter who they were, where they were on their life’s journey, or even if they had a questionable character in the past. He just loved them.

That’s what I do, in the work that I do when I meet with people. I no longer try to get them to fit in my world, I do like St. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 9 (22), “I am become all things to all men, that I may by all means save some.” and that works for me.

It works for them because they are inviting me into their world. They are never defensive, always open, and I never judge them. It’s a real connection that we share. It’s that heart-to-heart thing. The added benefit for me is that I get access to the most interesting information that they wouldn’t tell anyone else. I am blessed just to be there.

Try it. You might like it.

If you are interested, you can take our free course, “How to love others like Jesus.”


Want to live by The Law? Here are some Laws You May Have Overlooked

So, you’re pretty proud of your own righteousness. You’d never be caught doing something that the bible was quite clear about insisting that you should avoid, right?

Even so, I wonder, in all of your self-righteousness, if you may have missed a few Thou Shall Nots. such as…

Men Cutting Their Hair and Shaving

Leviticus 19:27 advises against trimming the hair at the sides of one’s head or clipping the edges of the beard for men.

Mixing Two in One

Leviticus 19:19 and Deuteronomy 22:9-11 discourage cross-breeding animals, planting different seeds in the same field, and wearing clothing woven from two types of material.

Sex Outside of Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 emphasizes that sexual relations should occur within the bounds of marriage to avoid temptation.


1 Corinthians 6:18 cautions against sexual immorality, stating that it harms one’s own body.

Eating Pork

Leviticus 11:7-8 declares pork unclean and unsuitable for consumption.


Leviticus 11:10 labels creatures in the seas or streams without fins and scales as unclean.

Eating Snails

Leviticus 11:41 lists snails among creeping things that are considered unclean.

Associating with Excessive Drinkers and Eaters

Proverbs 23:20-21 advises against joining those who indulge in excessive wine and food, as it can lead to poverty.


Ephesians 5:4 advocates for gratitude over obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking.

Cursing Your Parents

Exodus 21:17 warns against cursing one’s parents, with the punishment of death.


Leviticus 19:28 discourages making cuttings in the flesh or getting tattoos.

Women’s Appearance

1 Timothy 2:9 suggests that women should dress modestly, avoiding elaborate hairstyles, gold, pearls, or expensive clothing.


Psalm 101:5 condemns slander and haughty talk.

Same-Sex Relationships

Leviticus 18:22 and Leviticus 20:13 forbid romantic relationships between individuals of the same sex.


Leviticus 19:31 discourages seeking mediums or spiritists.


Mark 10:11-12 states that divorcing one’s spouse and marrying another constitutes adultery.


Matthew 5:27-28 considers lustful desires for someone other than one’s spouse as a form of adultery.

Observing the Sabbath

Exodus 20:10 mandates resting on the Sabbath day, refraining from work.

Attending Church with Genital Problems

Deuteronomy 23:2 restricts individuals who have been emasculated from entering the assembly of the Lord.

Torn Jeans

Leviticus 10:6 advises against tearing one’s clothes.

Fighting with a Cheap Move: Deuteronomy 25:11-19 mandates the amputation of a woman’s hand if she seizes her husband’s assailant by his private parts during a fight.


1 Thessalonians 5:15 advocates for not repaying evil with evil but instead seeking to do good.

Covering the Head During Prayer

1 Corinthians 11:4-6 explains the guidelines for men and women regarding head coverings during prayer.

Women Speaking in Church

1 Corinthians 14:34 recommends that women maintain silence in the church and be obedient, as per the law.

If you know of some more things we need to avoid but may have overlooked, share them in the comments below…

Recalibrate and Keep Going

Many times, in life, we face circumstances that are beyond our control. Recalibrate and keep going. Sure, you could throw yourself on the ground and pitch a hissy fit, find someone or something to blame as you assume the role of the victim, take it all upon yourself as a martyr, or give up completely. “That’s the last time I ever try that again.” And no one would blame you for doing so.

I like to approach my life in five-year increments. That is to say that I feel more confident about tackling a phase of life with specific and detailed intent, like a game plan that stretches out five years. Often I am running several plans, all in different stages, concurrently.

Rarely, if ever, does a phase proceed according to plan. This is the nature of life: It happens. Often when you least expect it, the unexpected challenge, circumstance, or obstacle blindsides you and interrupts your energy flow of the plan you’ve set in place.

Expect these things to happen. If you’re like me and assume there is a grand force that is ultimately working all things for good, you start looking for alternative routes as well as the silver lining. I believe since I assume that all things work together for my ultimate good, they always do. Always.

To onlookers from the field, it may look as though the challenges I have faced were insurmountable, some things nonsurvivable. Yet, here I am. Granted, I have been as shaken up as anyone can be, but I gather my faith, recalibrate, and keep going.

This could require reconfiguring my original five-year plan, maybe starting over with a whole new plan, or aborting the original plan and its theme altogether, which usually leads me to make a choice. Will I focus on managing the other plan(s) I currently run only, or will I be looking for a new theme to begin planning a new phase?

I embrace the idea of living my life overshadowed by divine influence and while it is not for everyone, it serves me well. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

This is the method I use to recalibrate and keep going. Sometimes my plans can be askew, for I am just doing the best I can, based on the information I have before me at the time.

When you factor in the divine, that puts a whole new perspective on what may be unfolding before you.

There is a higher plan, one that supersedes the limitations of the human experience, one that desires to protect you from any harm that might otherwise be unbearable and also will lead to your greatest benefit and prosperity.

Some people regard the Jeramiah citing as an invitation to go forth with no plan because God’s plan is better than any plan that you might conceive. This is also true. It depends on you, where you’ve come from, where you’re going, and, what kind of a person you are at the moment in your life’s journey.

These days, when I pray due to being unexpectedly thrown off track, I am not likely to include a cry of, “Why?” Why? Because due to my experience, I’ve come to know that there is this overarching divinity in all things. So, my prayer would be more of a prayer of faith, like everything I do is in honor of my creator.

My intention is pure, even though I may have wandered or engaged in an activity or phase which is not in my best interest. I trust that the overarching plan is always perfect, and as I continue to recalibrate according to that, all things will ultimately work for good.

~ Rev. David M


Is It a Coincidence or Is God Trying to Tell You Something?

Have you ever been looking for God to provide a clear answer to your prayers and noticed a sign or signs that might be from God or a skeptic might say was just coincidental? Could it be God actually trying to tell you something?

How do you know if it’s God or a coincidence? Does God offer signs to us? Does He speak to us in that way? Don’t just miss it and write it off as your imagination!

Here are 7 questions to ask to help you know if a sign, song, feeling, or experience is actually from God Himself (or if it is all just wishful thinking).

Question 1: Does What I’m Hearing Line up with God’s Word?

God will never contradict what He has already told us in His Word, the Bible. This includes what Jesus tells us are the two greatest commands of all: to love God and to love others (Matthew 22:37-40). Any thought or action that does not come from love for God, for others, and for ourselves cannot be from God.

Question 2: Is It True and Logical?

The Bible tells us repeatedly that God is a God of truth (Deuteronomy 32:4; John 14:6). If what we hear is not true, it is not from God.

Similarly, while God can ask us to do things that don’t make sense from a human perspective (for example, asking Noah to build an ark or Joshua to march around Jericho), He is not going to ask us to do something that makes no sense in light of where He has already called us or how He has already gifted us.

Question 3: Does It Contribute to My Own Good and the Good of Others?

God promises that He “works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28).

We know that doesn’t necessarily mean that life will be easy — Jesus says that his followers each have a cross to carry (Matthew 16:24). However, we can be confident that following God’s voice will not harm us and will ultimately give life not just to ourselves, but also to others.

Question 4: Does It Make Sense in Light of My Gifts, Resources, and Abilities?

God has created each of us with unique gifts and abilities and an individual story. God’s voice will be true to those unique traits. Your story will look different from someone else’s and that’s the way it should be. This doesn’t mean that God can’t call us to something beyond our own human ability — He can and will — but it should make some sense in light of the ways He has equipped and gifted us.

Question 5: What Are the Likely Consequences of Each Choice?

Emotions are important, but so is logic. Honestly evaluating where different paths will lead can help us know when we are hearing God’s voice. This isn’t the same as trying to control every aspect of the future — that’s impossible! But sometimes looking a few more steps into the future can make God’s voice more clear. This is where a simple pros and cons list can be very helpful.

Question 6: Does It Lead Me to Growth or Shame?

God’s voice can be challenging, but it’s never unloving or condemning. God will call us to grow more like Christ; He will never tell us that we are worthless or not good enough. God never causes us to feel shame or condemnation.

Negative thinking should be dismissed, but correction should be welcomed.

Question 7: Have Godly Mentors Also Seen This as a Call of God on My Life?

If you ever get stuck inside your own head, it can be helpful to actually speak out loud about an issue with a trusted mentor or friend. Asking someone else to discuss something with you, walk you through your thoughts, or even just pray for you can help you discern if it’s God’s voice you’re hearing.